The 3 Best & Worst Things about Bad Company 2

I never played the original Battlefield: Bad Company game. Everything I heard about it spoke against my adoration for Call of Duty. To elaborate, it wasn’t… Infinity Wardish enough. Nevertheless, Bad Company 2 quickly caught my eye when I saw how amazing the graphics are. Praying I could even run them, I immediately bought the game, downloaded it from Steam, and fell quick into the world of multiplayer competition. And, after a good week of fervent play, I have come up with the three best and worst things about Bad Company 2.

The Three Worst Things About Bad Company 2:

I. The Oblivious Death

They can see you, but no matter how hard you look and no matter how hard you pepper the tree line, you never, ever, EVAR find those hidden bastards who take little more than one or two bullets to rip your fat, Mountain Dew soaked head off. Are they hacking? No, but you think that they are once they’ve killed you for the tenth time. And do you know what makes it all that much worse? The jerk who runs up and lobs a grenade, which for some reason you forgot entirely about, into their little rat nest and kills all of them. THANK YOU for making me feel inept at my job!

After playing a good seven days worth of Bad Company 2, which from henceforth shall be known strictly as BD2, I’ve come to the conclusion that no one who plays the game will admit to doing that. Our inability to be humble knows no bounds, like the dorky seventeen year old who FINALLY got a handjob but refuses to admit that it is noting more than glorified masturbation.

II. That one dude who uses [insert class ability] too often!…

What an ass, yeah? I mean, you would never toss down your ammo cases and spam the fuck out of your explosives like he does, right? And you would totally never be caught being a sniper and hiding behind the rocks in the water where no one really expects you, right? Of course not, you’re the innocent sort who uses the weakest weapon but still pwns face. You rush at enemy tanks and blow them the hell up with your knife and your trusty dog Max.

It’s fine, you can admit it. There is nothing better than being a TubeNoob or running around using your M60 and reviving all your buddies who just got their head blown off. When the other guys do it, however, there is nothing worse and with vicious fury you let lose your angry… and then you die horribly because the sniper used his mortar. This topic also covers the all too hilarious, especially when happening to you, Base Raping. When you complain the other side will inevitably claim that you’re just being a wimp. It’s like a bully kicking you in the balls and asking why you’re complaining. And yes, yes, we know… it only happens to us because we’re weak and not very skilled at our job. Sure, you have a tank constantly unloading all of its rounds on our one spawn point left, but it’s our fault.

III. Medics

The greatest gift to any squad and certainly the easiest class to level up, the Medic is perhaps the reincarnation of Jesus himself. One difference: Jesus did not carry an M60. I suppose if he had then he wouldn’t have been tacked up on that stick, but the point remains the same. The Medic is more of a saint whose gone apeshit and decided to go on  a killing spree. And you know what? He’s got miracles in the form of two paddles that he just rubs together and ZAP! Whole unit is back to fighting. Not enough? Don’t worry, if you want you can also choose to use a shotgun. The M60 is better, but maybe sometimes you just need to test your inability to be mortal.

And while there is nothing worse than charging into a building, killing everyone only to then be stabbed in the back and lay there dead, watching as that backstabbing medic revives everyone, it is certainly worth the annoyance when you realize that you can do the same damn thing. One problem: TubeNoobs… fuckin’ A.

The Three Best Things about Bad Company 2

I. Medics

You’re Jesus, blah, blah, blah. ZAP!

II. Helicopters

While this is certainly more of a pain when you’re on the opposing side of the helicopter, nothing is quite as rewarding as jumping into one of these mechanical Goliath’s and ripping away every little jerk who comes across your screen. A tank can do that though, right? One difference: those pesky snipers can’t run over and strap some C4 to your ass. Granted, they can snipe your pilot, but that’s why the Easter Bunny packed you a parachute.

III. Killing Russians

There is nothing better than grabbing one of those M60s, getting some buddies who do nothing but spam their grenades, and that special friend who fondles his rocket more than he does his imaginary girlfriend, and blowing the fuck out of some commie pinkos. You can stab them, you can snipe them, you can run your ATV into their stupid red beret wearing heads, you can spawn camp them, base rape them, you can blow up their bases, eat their sandwiches, and show them the true meaning of Red, White, and Blue.

Then you lose the match cause that asshole Tim ran out to buy some guacamole because the stuff his mom made was a little too green.  You try to explain to him that she’s Canadian by birth and probably doesn’t even know where guacamole comes from, but he insists that he has to go buy some, you know… cause chips just don’t taste the same without it. Don’t worry, though. By the time Tim gets his ass back there you guys have lost the Squad Rush map and are now the Russians. You could sit there and commit suicide for the next twenty minutes, but patriotism is so last match.

-Irish